Crippled by The Past

I don't want to copy others because I'm unsure of myself. I want to follow You and be trained and used by You in the way You have for me. Try not to be disappointed, sometimes people stray away because they are very hard on themselves and feel guilty when they don’t succeed on the journey they have signed up for (expectations) have been set and; when we are not strong enough to keep trying until we do better we give up. Or it can simply be that they are just not ready mentally to be good to themselves.  When we know better we do better. When you are used to unhealthy behaviors you conform to it until there is a breaking point of treating self-better. It’s like being in recovery if you relapse you will not call your sponsor because of shame and guilt; depending on how far gone you are with your addiction. 

The Mask

The Mask: I have always struggled with depression but always thought I had control of it because I got better at hiding it through the years. I want to make this clear that when a person struggles with depression they are honestly battling with something that they don’t understand. Although I believe the word of God, I trust God by faith, and I strive to live by his word every day I still struggled in my process. This is why today I can share my struggle because God prepared me to withstand depression through only my process.

This time of year has always been very challenging for me as I am sure it may be for others. Many of our lives have been changed by the loss of our loved ones. Many bereaved are left to carry on with life as they know it. RIP Cousin Robert Boddie you will truly be missed.

Getting this news on Saturday morning almost set me so far back, but God has surrounded me with people that gently push me to keep moving forward because there are moments I am afraid that I may not bounce back especially being alone in my space. This is new territory for me. I know that God is with me. For all of the politically/spiritually correct individuals that may reply or comment on this statement with “you’re not alone God is with you I get all of that, however, I am speaking my truth on how I feel in my flesh”.

I am sharing my story because I felt the nudge and decided to do so. I am flawed and perfectly imperfect. We all have a story that was designed specifically for us and only us. Many people may have some kind of input or judgment about someone else’s process. All of us have things about us that we don’t even see good, bad and indifferent. I today know that I am not the person I will be tomorrow, Nor am I my past I’m living in the moment and it’s my process. The saying “a picture is worth a thousand words” while at the same time some words can change the whole story.

Please remember to be supportive reach out to one that may seem isolated, or resistant. Stay connected, be gentle, be kind, and please be less judgmental. Have a powerful day on purpose.